* A line from Mercury Rev’s amazing ‘Holes’
This is my guitar. I have had it since my early 20s after buying it off my friend Ron. I can’t really play it. I know about 5 chords. No idea what they are called, and my fingers have the turning circle of a supertanker when it comes to changing chords, but it is as close as I will ever get to playing music.
I did get a little closer in my teens as the manager of a band. We were called Mad Apple and much like the Kit Kat ad of lore we couldn’t sing or play and we looked awful. I assume you remember the ad, but just in case….
Right, advertising history less on over and the other history lesson continues. Please note that some of this may not be 100% accurate in terms of recollection.
Mad Apple were born out of the ashes of a band called The Birmingham Six (We were 14). The B6 were so bad we were paid to stop playing at our first and only gig. While the guitarist from TB6 was probably the most proficient and went on to be a well-known guitarist on the Norwich scene (A quick search tells me he seems to be doing ok—he’s the one not playing the guitar), the band chose to carry on with a new guitarist called Des. The new line up was Jon Harman (Vocals), Des on guitar, Simon Rance on Bass and Tom Haddon on drums. We later added another guitarist called Dean. I still see Jon and Simon now (we are still recording, but it’s the Grandbag’s Funeral podcast about film. the recording schedule is intermittent.) I haven’t seen Des for years and the last time I saw Tom he gave me his new number, but it was the wrong number, so balls to him.
I was the manager** and so my job was organising gigs. Which I did. We entered some Norwich band competitions…playing at the legendary Norwich Waterfront and in Peppermint Park, as well as our own gigs we put on at Eaton College (I seem to recall the Psychedelic Lemon Blouses, a band we beat in the competition, were also on the bill). I know I got concussion at the Eaton College gig after bashing my head on the lighting rig while dancing on top of something —possibly an amp.
The biggest gig I booked us for was the Methwold festival, and in many ways that turned out to be the beginning of the end for the band. We were given passes for the whole weekend, and things started going wrong from the moment we drove on to the site. Jon wasn’t there (he’d gone to Reading Festival and would meet us later). As soon as we arrived, Des bought a variety of drugs from a passing dude chanting “Es, Hash, Trips”. The rest of us got the tent up and started drinking. This was a Friday. We were due to play on Sunday. We next saw Des five mins before we were due on stage, when he emerged from his tent and uttered the immortal line, “Lads, I’ve written a song”.
At some point on the Friday evening, I took acid for the first time. Simon and Tom were more experienced than me and found it hilarious to keep trapping me in the tent we were camping in and not letting me out when I needed a pee. It either took hours to get out or two minutes. I have no idea. I do remember walking around the campsite listening to the distant sound of rave music and being captivated by the lights on stalls, etc
Jon turned up the next day, raving about having seen Rage Against the Machine (and possibly Porno For Pyros). He then poured a can of Special Brew over his head. The rest is largely a blur. I know the actual performance was pretty bad…we’d forgotten to bring a guitar tuner, everyone was “tired and emotional” and it was a Sunday afternoon. No one wanted songs about a recently-murdered school girl (We’d gone to school with a young woman called Natalie Pearman who had been murdered), covers of Step On and youth Against Fascism, or one with lyrics that explained the plot to Reservoir Dogs, etc.
We did play a couple of gigs after that, but in hindsight, the writing had been on the wall at that point. However, we had “recorded” two albums of material by this stage. Album one was called Non-Salty Oyster, the second was ‘Irrational Behaviour’. Recorded is perhaps a bit strong, let’s say captured. It’s fair to say we were at the vanguard of the lo-fi recording scene as we used an old clock radio that had a record feature to capture everything. Steve Albini would be proud, I think/doubt. You can decide based on this one song…Obviously, we wouldn’t sell out to record labels or allow our work to be on Spotify, Apple Music, etc
Why am I telling you all this?
Well, on Friday night I went to Crystal Palace to see Christopher Horton reading with the poet Joe Duggan. Chris, I know from having reviewed his excellent pamphlet, ‘Perfect Timing and having met him at the launch of Rob Selby’s ‘The Kentish Rebellion‘. He read a couple of poems from that alongside some great-sounding new work. All of which make me really want to read a full collection by him. NB he also has a wonderful poem in the latest issue of The North, edited by Stephanie Sy-Quia and Andrew McMillan— the mag, I mean, not Chris.
He was one of the support acts, the other was Majella Brady (sorry, can’t find an online presence) who was making their live performance debut— for Joe Duggan. Both Chris and Joe are Tall-Lighthouse poets, but I must confess to not knowing Joe’s work at all before. Although, spookily, there was a review by Chris Edgoose of his pamphlet, ‘Rescue Contraptions, in the latest Friday Poem that came out Friday morning. However, at the time of writing, I’ve not read that review.
Joe read for a good 35 minutes for what I later discovered was his second launch of the book, and the room was packed. There must have been 40-50 people, if not more, in the room. [UPDATE: IT WAS MORE I’M TOLD IT WAS MORE LIKE 80]. Maybe it’s me, but that feels like a lot for poetry gigs these days. The ranks were swelled by friends of his from his local walking football team and many others. He’s clearly a popular man in Crystal Palace and beyond. But regardless of this, the room was captivated throughout…pindrops were heard, etc..Why would you bring pins to a poetry gig? NB no actual pins were dropped. He covered a lot of ground, from family, family troubles, the troubles in Ireland, mental health–especially the issue around male mental health and depression (as discussed in the excellent recent edition of the Poetry Planet podcast with Peter Raynard and in the current ep of the Seren Podcast with Ben Wilkinson ), the pressure teachers are under, and many other things.
And by Christ, the man can weald a stage.It was also great to have a brief chat with the man himself afterwards—Chris had to shoot off to get home, I’ve certainly learned a lot about putting on gigs that I hope to use when we finally put on the next Rogue Strands night.
Yes, yes, but why all the guff about teenage bands, Mat?
Well, one of the poems that he read was called ‘The original line-up’ and I share it here now, with his permission
The original line-up
ever since the lower sixth concert,
Wayne McKibben on fender guitar,
Ringo Mooney on drums,
Eamon McKibben on vocals,
Gary Doyle on bass,
and me, who sometimes helped them set up,
especially if a crowd had started to gather.
There was a certain way to carry a guitar
to suggest you knew how to handle and play it.
I became practiced at this.
This was my brief performance.
I wanted to get it right.
A casual I carry guitars everyday walk.
A cool I am in fact part of the band, secretly
write all their songs, and would play
if I wasn’t so blasé walk.
Don’t bother me or speak to me.
I am carrying this guitar.
Can’t you see I am carrying this guitar?
I also smoke.
Joe Duggan, from ‘Rescue Contraptions’, Tall-Lighthouse
Now, do you see why I started with all that gubbins at the start? No…oh well.
**I was in the band for 5 mins when Simon quit in a fit of pique over cheese differences (or something), but when he heard me murdering his basslines he came back instantly. I did manage to contribute lyrics to one song on Non-Salty Oyster called Eclipse, and there was also plenty of Bez-esque dancing at the gigs.
THE LAST WEEK IN STATS
HEALTH STATS
16K running. 9 today, but resting a sore foot
1 day without cigarettes…really, really need to knuckle down here to help with the above
0 Days since drinking.
0 sleepless nights
1 sore foot and a slightly achy knee
LIFE STATS
1 gig in Crystal Palace
1 poorly child for a few days
1 really fucking busy week
POET STATS
0 loose ideas/articles gathered (this allows me to kid myself I am writing all the time)
0 poems finished:
0 poems worked on:
0 submissions:
0 acceptances:
0 readings:
2 rejections: TLS, Poetry Birmingham Literary Journal
16 poems are currently out for submission. NB some are simultaneous subs
79 Published poems
35 Poems* finished but unpublished
Twelvety poems* in various states of undress
554 Rejected poems* Eg I’ve decided they are not good enough
0 reviews finished:
0 reviews started:
0 reviews submitted:
2 reviews to write: Jo Bratten and Tristan Moss
1 more week that I’m not having an affair with Eva Green
* To date, not this week. Christ!!
READ/SEEN/HEARD/ETC
Read
Under The Radar #29
Frogmore Papers #100
Orbis #201
Zooms: None
Music
Low: The Great Destroyer, Trust, C’mon, The Curtain Hits The Cast, Double Negative, Hey What, I Could Live In Hope, The Invisible Way, Long Division, Ones & Sixes(RIP Mimi)
Lee Michaels: Barrel
Planet Poetry: Peter Raynard
The Kingsbury Manx: Acenseur Ouvert!
Dropsonde Playlist
Seren Poetry Podcast: CJ Cooke
A Mouthful of Air Podcast: Claire Pollard
The Verb: Apples & Snakes
The Archers
Warrington-Runcorn Town Development Plan: Districts, Roads, Open Space
Taylor Swift; Midnights, Folklore
Kaitlyn Aurelia-Smith: Let’s Turn It Into Sound
Tallies: Patina
Smashing Pumpkins: Siamese Dream
Tom Skinner: Voices of Bishara
Sonic Youth: Sonic Nurse, A Thousand Leaves
Seren Poetry Podcast: Ben Wilkinson
Watched
Andor
TS Eliot; Into The Wasteland
The Walking Dead
Taskmaster
The Old Man
Ordered/Bought
Joe Duggan: Rescue Contraptions
Mark Wynne: Point Bolivar Light
Arrived
The North #68
Wear The Fox Hat 
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